The Can't Take A Hint Friend

Don't you hate when people can't take a hint? We do.

How You Met:
You were invited by a friend-of-a-friend to a party of their friend on a Saturday night that your plans fell through. Incidentally, your only friend at the party was the 2-6 of rum that you brought with you - which incidentally led you to begin a never-ending chat with the other awkward looking person at the party - Kirk.

You liked Kirk, because he was the only person who would talk to you. You like Kirk, because you didn't look awkward anymore. You liked Kirk, because he kept the conversation flowing. You liked Kirk, because the conversation didn't require any of your personal thoughts, ideas, or views. You liked Kirk, because your 2-6 was gone, and you couldn't actually form a sentence, nor were you expected to.


Your Relationship Now:
Kirk calls you at least twice a week to go for coffee and "catch up." The problem is that you were caught up on Kirk's life within the first five minutes of meeting him (not that you asked). In fact, you could write his complete autobiography, which would include a detailed sexual history, his grandmother's 10 year battle with a painkiller addiction, and his personal opinion on everything from obscure Russian poetry to the failings of the recycling systems in locally owned bakeries. You are slowly running out of excuses as to why you can't "grab a quick cup of java" with his sorry ass.


How Do You Deal?
This is a tough one. Because Kirk is a kind person. And how do you tell a harmless, narcissistic dink that you would rather masturbate with a pine cone than listen to another one of his pointless stories? You don't. Because he's not listening anyway.

Our advice? Before your ego gets to big, realize that Kirk doesn't need you - you needed him that night in the dingy basement party. He just needs someone to talk at. So hook him up with another one of your "Can't Take A Hint Friends," (because we all know there is more than one) and get on with your life.

Or...you could try masturbating with a pine cone.


This Friend Is Compatible With:
The Friend Who Has No Other Friends Except You (biography to come later)


Love Forever,
Sh-Bear, Jah-Day, and C-Monster